Love from nothing.

Love is the thing that no human being knows where it comes from. Some say it is an illusion, some describe it as an emotion and personal attachment, others say it comes from the heart. I personally believe it is more than an illusion, more than just an emotion that no one can really know where is comes from. Something profoundly tender.

As if it was yesterday. Every little thing that happens I safe in my vulnerable heart. Turmoils, Screams, fights, and most of all rejection. I ignored it, fought it, dismissed it, and took revenge against it. I have saved every scream and every "no" in my heart since the first time it happened. I can remember every sneer I get from classmates, every bad trick, and all those mean words they had for me.

And of course how to forget the heart break of lies? Where even to begin and explain the fact that when you lie to me, you are hiding what MY own life is. How to forget the real truth? How to bear facts? How to even believe them when you have been protecting me so much that I have become naive? Fake gestures. Nothing is real when there is one truth to hide, one lie to keep.

And how could I even leave out non-real friends. One minute they adore you, the other they talk at your back. Not to mention our lost friends. Those that all they talk about is sex and drugs. How can we carry those around? Those friends that have been through so much that you feel their pain, but don't know how to help. Keeping in mind those who judge you and forsake you? Those who you think will help, but end up persecuting your heart because you love them so much. Those you love so much that they don't even want to talk with you. They don't want to even see you because you might depend on them. And those who think they understand you, but don't even know a bit of what they understand.

But throughout the years I have learned to put them first. Yes, I never forget these people, or what they do, even how they are, but what is all this blog about? Initially about LOVE. Through my short, but technically hard life I have been able to see so much and be so vulnerable that love is just the number one thing in my heart. I have learned to see others through the perfect and tender, loving eyes of our creator. Who never judges, screams, fights, or anything we, as human-imperfects, might do. I always try and look at my inside and change as much as I can for I am not perfect. I have seen how to put others first instead of me because I came here to serve, not to be served. I am not gonna keep myself in a hiding place because of them, but otherwise I will love them and not judge them. Always will I keep them first in watch them through the beautiful, loving eyes of God.